Childhood scuffs are common and typically unavoidable, even if your house is bubbled-wrapped in child safety trinkets you picked up in the checkout line at Babys-R-Us, like ours. Bumps on heads, scrapes, scratches, and bruises of every sort are all part of the package, which is understandable. From the moment your baby first sits up … Continue reading PARENTING INJURIES


Atticus was born in the last few days of August 2009, and in the next couple years my wife and I will be faced with the more-difficult-than-you’d-think decision about when to send him to kindergarten. He will, for the rest of his academic life, be either young for his grade or old for his grade, … Continue reading KILL BALL


If you had asked me as a 13-year-old boy what my life would look like 25 years later, I might have told you that I’d be dead by then, having fully lived some kind of extraordinary life as a rockstar, an Indiana Jones-like world adventurer, or possibly an astronaut or spy. If you had told … Continue reading THE 27 CLUB


Everyone knows that children of a certain age are bound to repeat things they hear around the house. NYC mob boss Arnold Rothstein from Boardwalk Empire put it perfectly when asked if he had children, “No, but I hear they often say unexpected and amusing things.” Overhearing your toddler call relative strangers, “Honey,” or having … Continue reading DUCKIN’-A!


Over the holidays, I ventured into the garage to find the rusty Christmas Tree base with the wobbly wood screws that I battle annually, and while looking for it, I stumbled across another instrument of domestic torture: the bathroom scale. Now, I hadn’t weighed myself since before the birth of our daughter in May, though … Continue reading AND… I’M FAT